Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

When we were much more careless with our words, we’d say lots of foolish things. And hardly ever would we stop to analyze them. We’d say, “no dessert for me tonight,” despite staring down a well-proportioned, insanely moist olive oil cake. We’d say, “nice to meet you,” after speaking with someone on the phone for the first time. And we’d say, “life is too short.” But now, we know better. We know to say that life, like a squirrel or a fire hydrant, and through no fault of their own, is temporally-limited. Because of this adage, we were taught to focus on the big issues, serious questions, and major dilemmas.

This was an error. An understandable choice, but nonetheless a grave mistake. Instead of spending the summer face down in an above ground pool, surrounded by recently fallen leaves and spiritually fallen creatures, we were taught to weigh the weightiest questions of our time. “Why are we here?” I can tell you firsthand, that this is a complete waste. It doesn’t matter why we’re here, when we’re already here. Would you ask the pilot on a transatlantic flight the same question? Would you ask the pilot on a transcontinental flight the same question? The important thing in either case is that you’re seated, seat-belted, and with your knees positioned to avoid beverage cart contact. How about asking the steady pilot light in an old furnace, hoping to hear, in between flickers and hisses from a distant basement dwelling cousin of the Oracle of Delphi? I don’t think so.

We should spend our days thinking about paper straws and plastics cups. Trivial matters aren’t so trivial when they occupy all our mental energy. Spend your time on social media platforms, looking for happiness, instead of the humdrum monotony of sunsets and shooting stars. You’re not going to solve the energy crisis anyway. But you may just figure out a way to open up that skylight in the attic. How can the prospect of nuclear war be a concern, when nuking potatoes in the microwave should be? You weren’t put on earth to solve the biggest issues. Those who think they were, end up mucking things up anyway. Why not acknowledge the brevity of life with a few mindless remarks and discount pool toys?

Focus on goals you can actually accomplish. Had Galileo been a harmless hobbyist, he would’ve been a lot happier. And not living out his days under house arrest trying to solve the mysteries of the universe. Ever heard of croquet or cross-stitch? It’s not like those pondering the meaning of life get anywhere. They should try organizing the garage instead. At least with that, there’s a clear, and cleaner, end in sight.