The Weeknd nervously awaits his halftime performance at this weeknd’s Supr Bwl. I wonder if he’ll lip sync or legitimately belt out a tune like Mistr Sprinstn. But will there be strbe lights? I’m sure he has something special plannd for everyone at hme, probably involving dangerous pyrotechncs or an orchestratd wardrobe malfunctn. Although footbll isn’t my favorite sport – that honor goes to basebll – the “Bg Game” is such an integral part of our national fabrc. And not some janky dye jb either that’ll wear off after a few gntle cycles in the washr. We’re talking about fibr here. There is no amount of hts to the head that could knock the game from its lofty pedestl. It is a ratings juggernt, a televisd behemth, and lots of other things if my Rogt’s wasn’t hopelessly buried under of a stack of newspapr.
Honestly, who needs vowls? They do what xactly? It doesn’t take much to lance a pointless “e” here or there and let the cool breeze of grammr freedm wash ovr you. More people should do this – to make themselves that much more interesting. Steve is Stve. Robert is Robrt. Don Quixote is Don Qxte (that wasn’t much harder that I thought).
As a society, we’re constantly talking about waste and how to fight it. Well, what’s more wasteful than a misplaced, superfluous vowel. It’s not like the aforementioned paragraphs are totally unreadable, just partially so. Plus, reading should be hard work. Will a sprinkling of sticklers in the stands say, “Your name is The Weekend, stupid.” Probably. But that’s only because generations of greedy grammarians have so inculcated in their collective student body the importance of spelling. I’m not buying it. You ever read the correspondence of a young Merriweather Lewis? The guy was all over the place, making up words as he went along, wildly inconsistent in the same letter. And this was someone who considered Jefferson a close friend, someone of rather refined tastes.
Don’t let anyone fool you. The Weeknd isn’t stupid or lazy or idiotic. It’s not a trite exercise in the painfully banal. It's not dull, ordinary or as worn out as dress shirt that’s never seen the hot end of an iron. Nor is it vapid, commonplace or staler than week-old bread that’s better to bludgeon than to butter.
It takes courage to remove an e. Is it any wonder that academics skip straight from D to F?
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