The Honeymarsers

I don’t understand NASA. Is it an acronym or simply another unpronounceable English word? They have all this money, all this public support, and the entire galaxy at their disposal. Yet, when the countdown clicks to zero, they routinely opt for something decidedly uninspiring. Like sending an unmanned robot car to the Red Planet. Haven’t we done this before? Why are we doing this again? It’s not like there are great roads out there. The space agency has never understood the utility of scenic routes.

They’re looking for evidence of microbial lifeforms. But why? Wouldn’t it be easier to spot regular-sized lifeforms? Like purveyors of dry (very dry considering the surface temp) goods or hardworking business owners. Let’s say they find some tiny speck of bacterial dust – okay, what now? When’s the last time you had a scintillating back and forth with something bubbling inside a petri dish? It’s hard to relate when one party needs a heavy-duty microscope just to say hello. Others are hoping to find fossils. Again, I ask why? Fossils are merely reminders that you’re way too late. “Great, there was life here once. Thanks for the memories.” It’s nature’s equivalent of a “you just missed me” note. In a snowstorm, after a car pulls away revealing virgin pavement, while I might appreciate the empty space, I don’t care about the vehicle. And that was only a few minutes, not a few millions years before. 

No, what we need is to send a search party. You don’t send a robot to do a human’s job. When are people going to understand this? We ask too much of machines and then wonder why they demand more respect? In order to find life on Mars, NASA should’ve recruited two people who are enthusiastic about the universe as well as – and this is essential – each other’s company. You can’t send one person though. There’s no fun in complaining alone.

If it were up to me, I would’ve sent two newlyweds to Mars. Bushy-faced and fresh-eyed, still teeming with joy from the recitation of overwritten vows, these two people would have just what it takes to make the most on another world. Maybe it wasn’t the most obvious destination (how are the schools?), but Mars is a place that deserves sober reflection from an actual human being. 

There’s even a contingency plan when things invariably go awry. Should they find no evidence of life on Mars, surely they can start from scratch and make a few lifeforms of their own. A happy couple knows how to scheme and survive, making the most of their opportunity. When it comes to peace and quiet, there's not much competition for the vacuum of space. It won't be all sunshine and supernovas. Even the strongest relationships can collide with a temporary asteroid belt. However, a little perspective is helpful. While marriages have ups and downs, the universe only has the latter. Entropy, anyone?

 

Is there life on Mars? Ask again in 9 months.