You know what I like about Jeff Bezos? You know what you should like about Jeff Bezos? That despite his extravagant wealth, he’s stayed fully committed to baldness. Most people in his income bracket are trying to live forever (the joke, as always, is on them). This makes it empowering to see someone like him carefully steering clear of hair transplants and voodoo pelts. If ever there was someone who could afford the latest in toupee technology, certainly it was him. But no – that wasn’t his way. And who’d object if he walked into a board room with a lopsided muskrat sliding off his dome?
It says a lot about him, more than most people realize, that he hasn’t succumbed to the temptation. This should give men with modest savings accounts pause before buying the wares of a mane man, selling mysterious oils and creams from the inside of a trench coat. What’s on your head doesn’t belong above your fireplace, hanging for generations to gawk at. The only rugs Bezos should be buying are priceless Persians from the 13th century. Why not ask Musk to design an environmentally conscious magic carpet for weekend flights through the valley?
I’m sure he could afford the best hairpiece imaginable, sporting a wig with very little pushback from the media class. But when you wear a wig out of vanity, as someone with billions of dollars at the ready, where does it end? Now that you’ve decided to staple a hat to your bare skin, nothing is off limits. Do you find a bright red nose to wear? A rainbow suit? Huge frameless glasses and floppy shoes? Do you practice making creatures from cheap balloons, miming commands at your confused waitstaff? Do you buy a tiny car and fill it with an endless supply of household junk? Do you learn the cornet or how to ride a penny-farthing? Do you juggle small animals? Do you wear make up?
You don’t. You can't. You shouldn't. That’s unless you’re a clown. Since Jeff will have a lot more free time, it's not too late for him to join the circus.
No comments:
Post a Comment