Marketing has gotten boring in the real world, the actual world, and the world where you have to wait in lines for things that only seem slightly cool in the moment. A fleeting moment at that. The sort of moment that never rises beyond the simple pleasure of picking a scab. That’s all about to change as cagey marketers look to stretch their media footprint across space and time.
What is the multiverse exactly? I couldn’t tell you specifically, but it certainly sounds big. Which is just what we need in a consumer culture that is limited to consumers. You see, when brands start to focus on every possible scenario and alternate dimension, there’s no telling what comes next. Except it’s my job and their job to tell you what comes next. Something mathematicians and the mentally ill call “a paradoxical pickle.”
Imagine before when people complained about privacy? In multiversal marketing you target not only each individual but also each of them within parallel universes. For the first time, the level of annoyance and invasiveness is truly infinite. Before, a person had to ignore your communication a few times a day – banner ads, maybe a billboard, and the occasional YouTube video. In the multiverse, that stuff is the first course. And in this analogy, they haven’t even ordered their drinks yet. I mean, they are homing in on free bread and olives. The possibilities, oh the possibilities.
If you thought it was bad when all companies had was your phone number, email and home address, well, strap in for an invasion of every possible reality. But the consumer retains some control. Now it’s possible to ignore marketers a lot more. Hypothetically speaking, that is.
In the old dinosaur days of marketing and advertising, people had to abide by the laws of land. In the multiverse, the laws of physics don’t even apply. I’m not certain what that entails but we’re not talking about direct mail.
The multiverse also covers brands a bit more from angry or unsatisfied customers. It’s one thing to return your items due to a defect or flaw. You put the merchandise in a package, printed your label and away you went. Not now. Now, you have to wonder where does an item even go that ignores the laws of gravity? It’s a good question, one that most people give up on answering after their third or fourth whiskey. So it rests on their dining table and that’s that. Too late for a return and the charge goes through without a hitch. Food purveyors like farmers and guys who wear too much flannel are looking forward to marketing in a world where expiration dates are meaningless. They win in this unlikely scenario. Think of all the milk that can be sold when barriers to time are rendered obsolete.
Brave new worlds.
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