Maybe you’re a budding comedian showcasing at the Yuk-Yuk Lounge in Biloxi, Mississippi, or just a regular open miker honing your “tight one” for a chance at fleeting viral stardom. Either way, you’re probably dying to get off the stage and into the studio. Since nowadays, that’s where the real comedic magic happens. Who doesn’t love some joke-making between two bona fide professionals? But before you do, remember these simple rules.
WOOD IS GOOD
But fake wood is better. While wood paneling was considered tacky way back in the 70s, it goes a long way to giving your show a sense of sturdiness and stability. Enough of the green-screened cityscapes and freshly wiped glass practically made for flashers to display their wares to a live studio audience.
IDOL WORSHIP
It’s important to show your fans you have good taste, but not obscure taste. Otherwise, they’ll assume you’re another hack looking for wider creative license. Go with Carlin, Pryor and maybe early Apatow.
INCEST IS GOOD
No, no, not that kind. Although, maybe it is. Or maybe it’s a new bit. Work on it, would you? Podcest is when you have a rotating slew of fawning friends on to promote their own shows, skits, and chuckle-hut dates.
REPEAT AFTER YOU
Make a good point? Then make it again. And again. You’re going to have a lot of time to fill. This one comes naturally to most comics since the gig demands the talent to say the same shit over and over like a deranged mental patient, pretending it’s completely brand new.
STAY ON YOUR GOOD SIDE
You can do this by having more cameras than a traditional sitcom and far less material.
PREPARATION
This isn’t school. You were the class clown, remember? Wearing glasses, taking notes, and asking insightful questions is for NPR and you’re no Terry Gross.
LECTURE SHORTCIRCUIT
Whether it’s a burgeoning drug addiction or old-fashioned tour escapades, once you’ve retired from a life of unadulterated pleasure-seeking, shift to telling others how to live their lives. You’re more than quips about airline food and Trump’s wacky hair – you’re now a thinker, too.
DISSECTION. DISSECTION. DISSECTION.
You probably weren’t paying attention in biology, right? Sitting in the back, riffing on anatomy with a captive audience of fourth graders. You were in high school, of course. That means you missed the part where your teacher instructed you to carve open a recently deceased frog. No problem. I got you one better – dissecting frogs have nothing on dissecting the low art of stand-up. Who knew explaining a joke over and over was better than an actual joke? Jerry Seinfeld, for one. His coffee car jamboree is pretty much predicated on the concept. When you beat a dead horse, it’s still possible to get the thing to move a couple inches. And it never hurts to have a few friends on hand to help.
THEY WON’T UNDERSTAND
Unless you tell them. One thing that’s great about brain surgeons and rocket scientists is that they have others always telling people how difficult their jobs are. That’s great for them, but doesn’t do much for you. So if they won’t do it, then you have to. There’s nothing harder than making a crowd that wants to laugh laugh. Sure, they paid good money to see you, got completely drunk, but you’re still a witty assassin slaying them every 30 seconds with finely-tuned punchlines.
PUNCH UP, TALK DOWN
The last thing you want is for regular people to believe that there’s more to stand-up than being funny. How being the funny guy at your backyard barbecue, while great and entertaining, is meaningless unless a sniveling mob associate pays you twenty bucks to tell the same five jokes you’ve spent the last eighteen months crafting.
WHY DO WE HATE MAGICIANS?
Because we do hate magicians, don’t we? It’s simple, really. They’re always hiding their tricks from us, refusing to tell us where the rabbit went or the women missing her torso. The Houdinis, the Blaines. Don’t be like them, be better. Break down a decent joke like were a hunk of prosciutto, cutting it ever thinner until it’s basically invisible.
TALK GOOD, JOKE BAD
Being funny on stage is one thing, but in the context of a Podcast, viewers want to see you open up about childhood traumas and tell widely exaggerated stories about your wild life on the road.
HONESTY POLICY
Talk about your unflinching honesty and yet never criticize friends or peers. They might help you get a job in the future after you’re cancelled. Good-natured ribbing is fine, but nothing too mean. Be loyal to the point of totally compromising all your values. Anyone who doesn’t find you funny is a “hater.”
YOU DESERVE A PROMOTION
Promote your gigs and your latest sketch video where you recreate a memorable scene from a movie. Remember the scene in Goodfellas where the guy walks into a bar and gets yelled at? Do that, just with a lot less money and emotion.
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