I'm All Ears

 

Why are you looking at me like that? I told you I was listening. When are you going to learn that I don’t need to look at someone to listen to them? Besides, I traded in my eyes for these beauties. I’m all ears, remember? You have two ears, big ones, with saggy lobes. But me? I have ears in places you’ve never even heard of. 

That’s right. Call it an unfair advantage if you like, but I don’t have to pay attention to pay attention. Something on me is always listening. Kind of like a security system or that phone in your pocket. I’m too attached? These are parts of my anatomy however redundant you may deem them to be. You’re the one who’s too attached.

There are obviously the two ears you can see. There are a couple more on my ankles, another one on my back and a few more I haven't seen yet. Yes, that’s a good observation on your part. It is rather similar to a shark’s fin, though I haven’t seen how it helps me in the pool. I’m a natural swimmer, but my own personal rudder? Watch out, Phelps, because that you should see. I have a few spares on my night table. Huh? What were you saying? I was listening. I told you already. You’re making the point you always make about how blue is the best color because it’s both the sky and the sea. Do I have that right? How green comes from blue so all this “going green” nonsense hardly fulfills the whole spectrum.

I have dabbled in jewelry, but it’s not as compelling a statement when you’re all ears. Do I pierce every one of them? Half? Two? One? These were questions I wasn’t remotely prepared for. It’s why I think chainmail is among the most timeless of metal accoutrements. Just don’t wear it in the rain and always, always remember to oil it. You’ve seen the Wizard of Oz, haven’t you? That's pretty much the point of the film.

I thought so. May I continue? I find listening to be exhausting so I’ve taken to plugging up my primary ears since the others more than do the job. 

You were saying?