A political party is like a piece of fruit. In its prime of life, there’s nothing sweeter. But when the rot comes, everything goes to pot. It’s why a quick squeeze is important before consuming, testing for ductility. Beyond anything else you may think about politics, it’s time for us to come together as a country and get two new parties. We’re in need of a refresh. We’re not still playing The Jazz Singer at local cinemas or drinking spruce beer at the tavern.
The Whig Party is long gone. The Federalists faded into obscurity on a Weehawken plain, some two hundred years ago. The Copperheads and the Commies went bye bye. There’s nothing like a defunct political party in order to perform a post-mortem. Because you can’t perform on autopsy on the living. But is living what we’re witnessing right now?
Then again, fruit that’s withering on your plate, has many fermentation possibilities. You don’t have to throw it in the garbage or find a nearby compost heap. A piece of fruit you thought was done can quickly transform into a blinding beverage illegal in most states. We’ve never finished the fermentation process when it comes to parties. We get rid of them too soon, before they age into something finer than wine. Although, there is a strong case that the Know Nothings, by other names, became ascendent and took over politics, entertainment, sports, and culture.
If that’s too much work and involves the technical know-how of a middling moonshiner, then there are other options. I’m not asking for ideological purity or a major shift in policy. A simple name change might be enough. The way one day bartenders became mixologists. Though I don’t recall sloppy drunks turning into classy inebriates. Whatever we’re doing, the current names aren’t working. I mean, sports teams do it all the time when public pressure mounts. While we’re at it, a few of our biggest states could use a refresh. How “new” is New Hampshire?
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