Sweet Charity

You’re probably confused why your donation check to the parent organization with the memo “charity” scribbled at the bottom was used to purchase jet fuel. It’s a reasonable question, one I get a lot. I’m here to put you at ease and come clean with the goal of further transparency and honesty. First of all, did you know what jet fuel is cheaper than gasoline right now? It’s true. The reason I bought it is because I have a Gulfstream G700. Why did I buy a private jet? Simple. I have so much work to do I can’t possibly waste it at the airport, checking bags, and eating sad salads under the patter of workaday travelers. 

I have places to go and if we’re going to make a major difference in this world, time matters. Did you know I was able to go to the Bahamas over the course of a regular weekend 15 times last year? I’m not talking about long weekends where I could take off Friday or shove off Thursday evening. These were regular, Saturday/Sunday variety. The classic, as I have been known to call them.

But why a private jet? I live near a small airport now in a gated community. I could have bought a different home in a different community, one without gates. That wouldn’t work though. I need to be protected at all costs. To paraphrase Louis XIV, France’s glorious Sun King, “Le movement, c’est moi.”

Why did I purchase an infinity pool? You’re right, I could have bought an old pool. But to me, an infinity pool represents the work we’re doing and striving for. It’s got that beautiful horizon line, which almost blends in with the Pacific Ocean. I turn around and there are the San Gabriels in the other direction. My child's little league team are better hydrated than their rivals because I insisted from the first practice to use only glass bottles of Acqua Panna. You can't change the world if you're stuck to an IV-drip. 

What does an activist need with a 20,000 square-foot compound atop a secluded hilltop? It’s a great place to think. I’ve been here eighteen months and I still haven’t set foot in every room. I’m really looking forward to exploring the observatory by fall. I’ve heard very good things. The aquarium is incredible too. I find that I can better relate to human beings after hours of conversing with exotic fish. 

I’ve been shocked by the criticism of my financial situation. It’s offensive to suggest that a charity doesn’t need a tennis court or two. It’s violence to assume that a hot tub and a sauna are essentially the same thing. The air I breathe is about fighting the powers-that-be. Every ounce of water I drink is consumed by thoughts of speaking truth to power. Every morsel of succulent steak au poivre expensed by the organization contains my highest aspirations for this country. 

There are lots of ways to do the work. I’d continue but I have a spa treatment in a few minutes.