It’s possible, however disturbing, that you aren’t already intimately familiar with me. For the uninitiated, painfully ignorant out there, I’m Konflagra, the fiery, flamboyant, flagrantly foul, forty-first Kardashian sister.
I have thrown my zirconium tiara into the ring of criminal justice reform. Only in my case, I’ve begun an obsession with capital punishment. I bought a bedazzled axe from the 7th century on Etsy. The problem with the death penalty is that we’ve taken all the fun out of it, making it all about xs and os, instead of pomp and entertainment. Why can’t firing squads be fierce? Hangman? Please, it's hangperson to you.
I never thought I liked gallows humor until I found myself pulling an executioner’s trapdoor. Laugh riots are much funnier when followed by a Pamplonan style stampede. Instead of being a model or acting, I am breaking barriers when it comes to this draconian form of violent retribution. I’ve been reading a lot of Old Testament lately and wow, it’s quite a ride.
I am even offering a lucrative internship for a lucky Gen Zer, who will receive real-life experience as my personal “guillo-teen.” If this was a question of French cuisine, no one would bat an eye. But since it involves the death penalty, people say, “Kon, hon, you’re going to far.” Maybe. I bet you would’ve said the same thing to Robespierre. See below for a voucher for my capital collection called “Pierre’s Robes” for all the sartorially sound among the executioner elite.
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