We are S.C.A.M.

Here at S.C.A.M., “Some College of Advertising and Marketing,” we believe in credentializing skills any sentient being can easily pickup inside the echoey elevator shaft of your average office building. There’s a saying here, “there’s no predation like accreditation.” It rhymes, which is mostly what we teach budding writers to do. After alliteration and pointless punning, rhyming is what sets most writers apart. As we tell all our new students, if Shakespeare ignored the pull of iambic pentameter, he’d be Aaron Sorkin.

What advertising folks lacking a degree can’t seem to comprehend is how the industry was practically failing until these schools came along. Bill Bernbach had gone to the other side and David Ogilvy was firmly ensconced in his French countryside dotage. Ad people deserve the same thing regular people receive. A cappella groups, wine-fueled symposiums with professors, and a period in fall to sign up for activities you’ll never actually do. There are lots of ways to waste money, but they aren’t all the same. Instead of going to ad school, you could buy a nice car or a couple jet skis.

At S.C.A.M., we understand the skepticism that comes with the territory. Which is why we consider it our greatest achievement to have a student body at all, especially given our curious acronym. We are selling a product that no one needs. Sound familiar? 

Ad school gave me the appreciation that all occupations demand a certain set of standards. I stopped going to my bagel shop when I discovered the bagel boy behind the counter could barely explain the scientific process behind rising dough. He never went to school, learning the proper seeding. He skipped philosophy courses, which would have given him a better understanding of why everything bagels are far more than the sum total of their ingredients.

Now that you’re here, you should know a few things about how we operate. We used to give out X-acto knives during orientation week, but like everything these days, digital has made things easier. The last thing you want when you arrive in the agency world is to find out your partner doesn’t have a PhD in their chosen field. For example, in my history of advertising class, you’ll learn that taglines were started on the shallow banks of Lake Winnipesaukee when campers used a short, sweet, strategy for winning game after game of tag. It was only a matter of time before the Mad Men took notice. 

Former students are always saying that they’re forever in our debt. And with rising inflation, that shouldn't change any time soon.