Stereo Types

 

 

You can learn a lot of about a person from their chosen brand of stereo equipment.

 

Altec Lansing

Normally quiet. A little too quiet if you ask me. The sort of people who can barely hear themselves think, let alone anyone else. 

 

Bose

Mostly, they keep to themselves. Long before public and private figures feared cancellation, these folks were championing the idea of cancelling noise. What a concept. You could just turn the volume down to zero, but why opt for a simple solution when a more complex one is staring you in the face? 

 

JBL

The kind of person who tends to insist on doing things ASAP without the ensuing SNAFU. PDQ and no FUBAR. Someone with an encyclopedic knowledge of military jargon absent any of the baggage from a certain industrial complex. 

 

JVC

What can be said about another acronym staring with J? The difference between JBL and JVC people is like separating Germans from Austrians. I’m sure someone with a PhD can do it, but to most of us back on earth, they are one and same. Sausage, beer, something about Mozart and World War II. What were we talking about again? 

 

Klipsch

Born to spiel, prone to kvetch, ready to schlep, receptive to shtick, wise to schmooze, aware of schmutz, allergic to schlock. 

 

Nakamichi

They never listen. Not to you, anyway. 

 

Pioneer

Possessing a rare spirt found in murderous explorers from a different time. But instead of the fountain of youth, they gravitate to fountains of nostalgia. These are people willing to travel to the ends of the earth for the best sound. A rainforest, a cavern, an untouched natural resource. Any place that says, “you know what would be nice here? No, not potable water, but a new stereo.”

 

Sony

A group believing that there’s no problem in the world – war, hunger, environmental cataclysms – that can’t be solved with an extra subwoofer and lots of bass.