Hello class, today you will be learning how to craft deliciously nebulous sentences for maximal deniability. Don’t know what nebulous means? That’s a good thing. You shouldn’t. use a dictionary to find cool words, not definitions. The less you know, the more you can say. But the more you say, the less clear you should be. Pepper your emails with long words that just feel right. Was the meeting “woebegone”? Maybe. Maybe not. The point is that people will be searching and by the time they have deciphered the note, you’re gone for the day, tucking into the cocktail hour with extreme prejudice.
Instead of saying, “we’re doing X” say “we’re considering thinking about the possibility of doing x under the right circumstances that need to be weighed through pros and cons.”
Understand? Not really? Good. You’re learning. The more exclamation points, the better, especially when making a demand of an agitated underling.
Use colors, bold, italics, underlines, strikethrough for added emphasis and unclarity. What you want is for someone to be so confused what you’ve written that they give up and move on. Apathy creates a fine working environment.
Any questions that I won't understand?
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