Betting on Pro Football’s Future

With news that Calvin Ridley joined millions of other pigskin partisans by gambling on the game, I began to wonder: what else is coming down the roulette wheel for America’s ascendant sport?  Here’s what I’d bet on…

The season will likely expand to 52 weeks, so there’s never a time we’re more than six days between games.

With a longer season, you need more teams. I’d put the number somewhere north of 40 but south of 400. Then again, I’m not a data guy.

With more teams, you’re going to need more players. Rosters will increase to a few hundred, with about 50 watermen (née waterboys) alone.

With more players, you’re going to need a bigger field. I’d say 500 yards is a good place to start.

But a bigger field means a bigger stadium. One million seats feels right and sounds righter. 

Bigger stadiums will mean bigger concessions. Footlong hotdogs are going to become yardlong. Considering the game is based around yards, it’s stunning this hasn’t happened sooner.  

With bigger tubed meat, you’re going to need more points. Let’s just make touchdowns 60 points instead of 6. It’s an easy way to increase offense without changing the game one bit.  

 

And with more brain damage from more of everything, the product will decay into a shriveled facsimile of a once proud pastime.