Kremlins

 

What is a “kremlin?” For starters, it’s lot like a gremlin, only with a k instead of a g. I read somewhere in english that in cyrillic gs are actually ks. Over there, they pray to Kod, laugh at the Khostbusters and sloppily eat a kyro on the street from the poorly wrapped tinfoil barely containing a messy street sandwich. Nevertheless, kremlins are annoying little pests you might find in your bathroom pipes or on cable TV – anywhere excrement flows with extreme velocity. Once a spout gets a-gushing, it can be a chore to plug the dam. No plumber wants any part of these serial prevaricators, deforming the whole world nightly.  

Some of the creatures may have even altered their appearance over the years, maximizing their impact. There’s one kremlin in particular who did just that, long ago trashing his decent reputation in the magazine world for bigger glories on the small screen. shedding his bow tie, replacing it with a terrible personality. Pucker, sucker, something like that. I’ll stop rhyming before it gets me in trouble. If memory serves, it was a quasi-dog’s name of sorts, whose nominal significance was once summed up in the pithy poetry of Morningside Heights’ most famous son. 

There are other kremlins. Blabbing, gabbing, and yapping away. Elected officials, elected unofficials, and unelected unofficials. Whoever they are, I can’t always make out what they’re saying. Which makes sense, I haven’t spoken imbecyrillic on a regular basis since college.