Margarine is the substitute teacher of the culinary world. What you go to when the oil is spent, the butter is old, and the lard has seen better days. But should that mean it doesn’t demand our respect? When substitute teachers enter the class, many students see this as an opportunity to act out. However, children today do not use their talents to build aerodynamically-sound paper airplanes or rubber band balls the size of small animals, or hurl loogies like patient rainforest sharpshooter. They stream the class live, hoping to catch the teacher. It could surround his choice of fedora, an unenviable stain, or the use of a phrase that’s painfully arcane.
Kids should see subs as partners, allies as it were. They might even gain leverage over the full-time teacher by placating the newbie, a cagey negotiation tactic quite familiar in the business world.
Margarine isn’t the only maligned sub out there. There’s the visor, for people whose hair doesn’t allow for a full-fledged baseball hat. The pocket watch for folks who like to keep their wrists unencumbered by excess metal. The barefoot buffoon who believes sandals are a half-measure between nature and the artificial enveloping of a rubberized sneaker.
The fact is that tastes shift over time, falling prey to changing attitudes and unforeseen events. What was butter yesterday, might be margarine tomorrow. Is margarine better than butter? Maybe. Maybe not. Or maybe this is the best case for humility since the discovery of male pattern baldness.
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