Raising Cane

If you tie up most parents, haul them down into a musty basement, duct their hands, and inject them with a little truth serum, very few will express concern about their children learning to talk. They'll express concern about the kidnapping, but that is something you can both address at the trial. Talking just happens. They pick up little things. When you’re yelling at the customer service rep, berating a restauranteur, letting loose a string of curse words while stuck on hold. Kids learn to talk. And the truth is, it can get annoying. They’re always telling you things, interrupting your conversation. 

The same thing cannot be said for walking. Walking is a much harder thing to grasp for most tikes. It doesn’t exactly come naturally. But we adults aren’t doing kids any favors. We’re forcing them to stumble across slippery floors and steeps stairs.

Babies have much in common with the elderly. Short attention spans, active bladders, and even their faces tend to evoke a grandfatherly vibe. To get kids walking earlier, parents should lean into the idea that their offspring are in some ways deeply connected to senior citizens. 

I’m not saying to move to Florida. Nor am I advocating shuffleboard. But I am saying that more babies should use canes. Canes help people walk. So why not help people who are learning how to walk? Physical therapists and those recovering from horrific accidents employ them. I think many adults consider a cane a cheating device. 

Canes also have a long history within self-defense. So they’ll be safer and sturdier. Plus, their vocabularly will increase as well. Finally, children from outside the Emerald Isle will know how spell “shillelagh.”