There’s an old saying about crawdads, if you want to get them to talk, just boil a pot of water in their general vicinity. And they’ll sing a different tune within seconds. Not literally. Crawdads lack the ability to carry a tune. The closest I’ve seen one sing was at the Def Poetry Jam in the mid 90s. It wasn’t singing per se, but it was rhythmic, entertaining, and had a nice beat. I can’t recall the audience’s reception though. That usually depended on their collective hunger level.
Historically speaking, there have been very few Maria Callases in the rock lobster set. No Piafs among the mudbugs. Most crawdads pay their taxes under the name “crayfish.: Which is good for their future sustainability. Since crawdad is a wildly arcane, highly problematic term. So too is crawmom, for reasons, which should be clearer than the Rappahannock. Crawpeople is wrong, too. Crawguysanddolls should work but doesn’t. So crayfish it is on W-2s and elsewhere.
Testifying is their role among marine creatures. They’ve spent their lives getting confused with shrimp and other more popular crustaceans, barely saying a peep. This isn’t how they wanted to get famous. But it sure beats getting eaten by drunk spring breakers.
Crawdads can’t go into the witness protection like other informants. Simply setting foot in a place like Arizona, a destination favored by the FBI, would fry them. The desert doesn’t agree with the crawdads I know. Unlike Sammy The Bull and other leathery mobsters, crawdads aren’t popular around the tanning salon. Crawdads know their rights and taking into account, time served, good behavior, they can be back on the creek in no time, repairing relationships shattered by the penal system. Or that's how I like to think it'll go.
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