Sabbaticalling

My time away from the blog is not without a certain degree of historic precedence. I am not the first person of consequence to take a well-deserved hiatus from an essential occupation. The way I see it, plenty of folks have done the same over the years. Whether it was Rick Moranis in his Post-Shrunk phase of personal growth, Bob Dylan during a sobering onslaught of defensive driving courses, or Jesus Christ himself looking for advice anywhere but up. Father doesn't always know best. In all three cases, there were many people counting on them. But that didn’t prevent this crew of grounded individuals from taking some much-needed time off.

In fact, even the Lord did it without any real criticism. College students going abroad costs nearly what it must’ve for Jesus to traipse across the globe. The only difference is the students bring back little in the way of knowledge or wisdom. Unless you count getting mugged at 3 AM in the Latin Quarter and overstaying one’s visa as genuine life skills.  

Most are fixated on the superficial differences that manifest post-sabbatical. The long beard, the long fingernails, the long drawl adopted after too much time talking to farm animals in lieu of human companionship. Most people don’t know this, but when Jesus entered his wilderness period he looked more Beatle than beatified. He had no facial hair to speak of, a carefully pruned mop top hairdo and an unmistakable Liverpudlian accent. When he returned, it was Sgt. Pepper all over again, only before. He wore long flowing clothes and lots of bright colors, mostly used to conceal his newfound gut after acquiring a fondness for hiking trail street meat. 

But enough about the Messiah, let’s talk about me and my time away. What did I learn? In a word, everything. I know the secrets of the universe i.e. how to properly poach an egg. What more do you need?

Much of the criticism leveled at Jesus comes in the form of his lost period. Did he need to take so much time off? A perfect example of the problem with having "unlimited vacation." His manager should've stepped in and culled his initial proposal. He could’ve and should’ve done the Dylan thing. Stop touring, yes, but keep writing new material. It’s not a surprise that when he came back, the scene had changed. It wasn’t how he left it. And to think, he did all this without an iPhone so boredom was a real possibility. I, on the other hand, was never too far from the magnetic glow of a different screen, embracing its warmth for electronic sustenance. 

Will I do this again? Probably. June feels like a good time to tune out the world. NBA players call it “load management,” taking nights off to give their newest suit a little love instead of sticking to mesh. Maybe next time I’ll actually grow a beard. For now, I’ll have to find some solace in achieving a level of intellectual and spiritual balance rarely seen in human history. Unfortunately, unlike a beard, it’s hard to capture all that on photograph.