Shark attacks are up in the New York area and swimmers are running scared. Doesn’t make sense to me. Why can’t we be happy – happier than clams – in pools and bathtubs? It’s not like we’re in boiling pots of water or cracking along the grates of a fiery grill. We’re not exactly sea creatures, are we? You can’t blame the sharks for acting out either. It’s not like they’re coming to trivia night at your local bar or catching you at the office in between meetings. We’re the ones going into their homes without so much as an invitation. Human beings might be at the top of the food chain on land, but in the ocean, we’re just another snack.
But they aren’t alone in their bad publicity.
And given the constant barrage of shark content, you’d think these apex predators were the only ones prone to human attacks. Have we forgotten about mountain lions? There are others, too.
Take bears. Like most mammals, they’re struggling in this economy, trying to figure out where their next meal is coming from. So here are some things you can do when confronted by a bear at a park or in the workplace.
Capitalizing the B is Bear is a good, though hardly sufficient start. They won’t know it by yelling “Hey Bear!” at them. To make it clear where you stand on this issue, you need to write memos to them and long, formal emails. Otherwise, it’s a meaningless gesture.
Don’t humansplain while enjoying some wild salmon. You can’t possibly understand what it means to “catch” salmon with your bare hands (your bear paws). Defer to their expertise.
Apologize if you’ve caused them harm by placing a beartrap in your backyard. Hanging your food from a tall tree via an intricate pulley system is patronizing. Like all strong relationships, this one is built on mutual trust and/or a love of candy.
Could they eat you? Yes. But that’s what happens when groceries are expensive, many have to consider other options simply to survive.
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