Enter the Avoid

Here is a far from comprehensive list of phrases, actions, and practices you’d be better off eliminating for everyone’s sake. 

Calling strangers, “John.” Despite this most common name, many people who like perfectly Johns are 

Whistling while a train approaches can be distracting to the conductor, commuters, and even the locomotive itself.

Stop saying “bon appetit” if you aren’t French or dining at a fancy French restaurant known for its escargot and brusque waitstaff.

Don’t ever pronounce tomato, “to-mah-toe.” It’s offensive to the vast network of hardworking podiatrists. 

Never ask someone what they’re currently reading, since it puts the unlettered in the unenviable position of lying about their education.

Telling people you prefer, “sparkling to flat,” is snobbish.

Describing recent dreams in great detail can make the dream deficient envious and vengeful.  

You can’t play croquet.

The phrase “smells fishy” is fraught with anti-pescatarian bias.

Smiling is best saved for your bathroom mirror.

Stop asking where someone is from. Or what they do. Or what their name is. Or where they're going. Or where they've been. Or what they ate. Or what they said. Or why they're here. Or what they wear. 

Avoid anything that could be misinterpreted. So, everything.