The reason why putting lipstick on a pig isn’t enough is the same reason you can’t only put lipstick on a nude person and expect them to ace their job interview without first turning a few heads. It takes more than that to doll oneself up for a big day. So if you’ve heard someone utter this phrase, and you’re anything like me, you scoff at the notion. There is a way to help a pig out though.
If you want your porcine pal to be taken seriously by captains (and first mates) of industry, here are a few obvious pointers. You could take your little bacon boy to a tailor to get fitted for a nice Italian suit. Even the biggest ones, say a wild boar, won’t require as much fabric as your typical big man. You could then get some shoes, as long as you remember to buy four and not simply a pair. You could go for a porkpie hat, too.
Animals don’t want to be naked in public any more than your person does. But simply giving them a fresh stick of rouge is barely enough to pucker up. Pigs want to be respected and seen as fully human. Maybe not human, but something sentient. Somewhere between a dog and a parakeet on the scale of people pleasers.
So give your pigs more than makeup. Buy them a pair of aviators and a bowtie, an argyle vest and some slacks. Lipstick is like icing on a cake, the cherry on top, the pickle jutting out of your oversized sandwich. It’s the last thing you worry about. An exclamation point for the sartorially challenged.
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