Not Modern Seinfeld

 

Ralph orders a Peloton for Alice who gets offended at the implication. Stammering to show her anyone can use it, he becomes addicted to working out. They have a big fight and she tells him, “I liked you better when you were fat.” He puts it on the curb the next morning to salvage the relationship. Later, Norton tells him he finally got a six pack. Ralph, relieved, and in desperate need of a cold one, is startled when his pal pulls up his shirt to reveal the results of his newfound passion.   

Ralph threatens to quit his job after a fleet of hybrid buses arrives in Brooklyn. He tells Norton that he can walk faster than that. Well, maybe not him, but a man in better shape could (probably one who owns a Peloton). When he goes to put in his notice, he ends up sitting down in one of the new buses, discovering the seats are much more comfortable. After taking it for a spin, he forgets his plan to quit. Since these buses are slower, most of his problem customers opt to skip the bus and wait for another faster one. Alice gets annoyed that he gets home much later and tells him to ride a bicycle if he cares that much about the environment. 

Ralph and Alice go on vacation but before leaving install a home security system. While relaxing on the beach (in Queens) he watches Norton on his smartphone camera. His pal is going into his fridge, taking food and making himself at home. Furious, he tells Alice they’re driving back to Brooklyn to confront his soon-to-be-ex-friend. When they arrive, Trixie yells “surprise!” Ralph totally forgot it was his birthday. Alice is mortified. Ralph politely invites the police officers he called in for cake.  

Ralph becomes obsessed with the Great British Bake Off, and even starts to dress like Paul Hollywood, finally letting his hair go gray. He starts a Great Brooklyn Bake Off with Norton, feeding the neighborhood children delicious sweets for a modest price. That’s until a group of angry dentists confront Ralph at his home arguing he’s now the number one cause of cavities in the borough. Alice hands them some raw broccoli and tells them to scram. 

Ralph invests their savings into crypto without telling Alice, the logic being, “it means secret in Ancient Greek.” When the FTX scandal blows up, she laughs, saying, “I’m glad we didn’t put our money in that. Right?” There’s a big pause and she repeats, “right?” Ralph turns red and says it was going to be a big surprise after he cleared the first million. Alice is mad at first, but moved by the gesture, dumb as it is. Alice tells him it’s okay, she didn’t marry him for his money. Or his smarts. Or his looks. He gets it and she can stop now, but she continues listing things, “ Or your manners, your clothes, your taste, your common sense…” as the credits roll.