Read Menace

 

Do you hate reading? Do you have an antagonistic relationship with your nearest library branch? Does thinking about an illiterate world snap you out of an oncoming panic attack? If so, you should know that there are lots of forms of reading that don’t involve books. 

For starters, you could read someone like a book. But doing so involves none of the hang-ups of flipping pages, licking fingers, and sighing at the plot holes.  

Or, if that’s no good, try reading palms. I’ve heard most people focus on the flipside of a hand, but I prefer those enormous leaves found in warmer climates. Did you know palm trees are not technically tress, but rather, grasses? I hope not. You would’ve had to read it somewhere first. 

Reading tea leaves is annoying to many, especially jonesing coffee drinkers patiently waiting behind you in line for the barista to complete your complicated order. 

Reading the room requires an understanding of crown molding and dust mites. Don’t believe me? Try reading my mind then.