The Cabal Guy

 

“Can I help you?,” said Jim to the stranger standing on his front porch.

“Possibly. I’m the Cabal Guy, here to fix your cabal.”

“We don’t have a cabal. It’s just me, my wife, daughter, dog, cat, and a family of termites living (for now) under the porch.”

“May I come in? It’s a little chilly on the porch, and knowing what I now know about the termites, I don't want to push my luck.”

“Sure.”

The Cabal Guy stepped into the house and shut the door behind him.

“That’s the thing about cabals, you don’t always know they’re there. Yours in particular is quite shadowy.”

“To be fair, aren’t all cabals shadowy?”

“You’d be surprised. Some can stand a little sunlight. We’re not discussing vampires here.”

“Who under my roof is in a cabal and to what end? 

"Oh, it's not safe to talk here. Your devices are listening to us right now."

He got down on his hand and knees and barely spoke over a whisper

"So what are you going to do about it?"

“I have some Reddit threads you should read, some Twitter accounts you should follow. They'll explain it better than I can."

"You know the family with the shadowy cabal is next door. I live alone."

"I thought you said you had a family."

"I did. But you shouldn't believe everything you hear. I was merely testing your credulity. You failed. Now get out of my house."