I was disappointed that Jesus Christ was only peripherally involved in this year’s spate of Super Bowl commercials. Why was he not featured more prominently. Is he not one of our most reliable spokesmen – I mean, spokesmessiahs? I want to see the Nazarene hawking products from near and far. I want to see him looking directly into the camera. I want to see him insisting I “act now.” But if you just look at his biography, you’ll find plenty of brands that should be jumping at the chance to join forces. Here’s what I was thinking…
Hi, my name’s Jesus. You may remember me from such hit television shows as South Park or The Bible: A Hit Television Show. But today, I’m not here to preach. I’m here to sell. As anyone knows, I’m love walking on l almost as much as walking on it. And like you, I love drinking it too. I want to tell you about Dasani Bottled Wine. Turned into a great tasting merlot from the water you already love.
I never walk into the desert without a spare pair of Birkenstocks.
I start all my DIY projects at The Home Depot. Remember, this is a carpenter talking. Be sure to listen to my podcast co-hosted with the great Bob Vila.
I noticed by beard had a touch of gray. But I’m no Jerry Garcia. It’s why I use Just for Men – now Just for Messiahs.
Head & Shoulders has hitched their wagon to my Star of Bethlehem.
And as the Lamb of God, I’m here to strike a pious pose in only the finest Merino wool cable knit sweater. I’m also known as the Good Shepherd.
Sleeping on hay is hard on the back. I should know, hailing from a manger. Many have wondered what I did during my “wilderness years.” The answer is obvious. I was looking for a good acupuncturist since my chiropractor wasn’t covered by insurance.
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