Walkingjay

 

Crossing the street, any street, differs between certain segments of the populace in terms of anxiety and aplomb. There is not one way to get from one curb to the other. However, based on my extensive research, these are the most popular. 

 

Sprint-to-Stroll

This is a staple of a city whereby the pedestrian sprints across 75% of the street before slowly down to an inexplicably glacial gait for the last leg. It is here that they are hardly out of the woods, yet the message to passing cars is clear: watch out. 

 

The Tune Out

Where the focus is not on the cars, the lights, or anything going on in the material world, but rather, a lengthy podcast piped in from smartphone to headphones. This gives the individual a sense of invincibility, protected by the voices inside their head. 

 

The Flight

You know the natural human response to a grizzly bear? Fight or flight. Unfortunately, the former is not an option when it comes to a truck bearing down on you.

 

The Aren’t You Forgetting Something?

At the drop of a hat, this person sashays into traffic in search of their lost headgear. It’s a means to a end. In this case, the end being the opposite sidewalk.

 

The Ponder

This involves successfully traversing one lane of traffic, only to get stuck on the double yellow, an unceremonious midpoint where cars remain unimpressed by a job half done. 

 

The Strut

This is by far my favorite, and objectively the best. Here, there are no cares, no cars, no concerns. The Strutter moves at their own pace, slowly and deliberately. Stopping wherever and whenever to take in the scenery. It’s on everyone else to make room. In a way, it’s how some have approached society writ large. Selfish or not, it sure is entertaining from a vehicle.