Lick in Boots used to be a journalist. Now, he’s a shadow, a facsimile, a ripple along a toxic pond. He was never Mike Wallace, Walter Cronkite, or Barbara Walters. But even in his ethical dotage, still desires to shake hands with the devil. Recently, he did exactly that, meeting the good Lord Satan in his subterranean dwelling. The following hard hitting exchange is what transpired.
Lick: Pretty hot in here, huh?
Devil: Just the way I like it.
Lick: Thanks for inviting me into your home.
Devil: I figured you’d want a preview, considering you’ll be back at some point in the future.
Lick: That’s very thoughtful. How do you respond to people who call you “evil” or the “prince of darkness.”
Devil: I’m a king.
Lick: What about a fallen angel?
Devil: I was an angel and it bored me. You should be allowed to switch careers. You did it. Remember?
Lick: That’s true. I don’t have an issue with how you operate, but many people do. I went to one of your grocery stores and I was pleasantly surprised by the number of flambés. So refreshing. I actually think you’ve created a Heaven on Hell.
Devil: I appreciate that. It wasn’t always this way. But global warming has helped.
Lick: So you aren’t a climate change denier?
Devil: Far from it. I take credit for it. It’s summer all year round down here now, which makes grilling season.
Lick: I have to ask you some questions that might make you a bit uncomfortable. So let me apologize right off the bat.
Devil: Shoot.
Lick: What’s it like having horns?
Devil: It’s great. I can open bottles, sharpen knives, and other unmentionables.
Lick: You’re famously red. Do you tan?
Devil: Not in a few thousand years.
Lick: What name do you prefer?
Devil: Dev. It’s simple, monosyllabic, and casual.
Lick: For my last question, which actor portrayed you the best?
Devil: Al Pacino.
Lick: Your hooves look a little dull. Do you mind?
Devil: Go right ahead. I have a few bunions, so watch out.
Lick: Don't worry, I don't bite.
No comments:
Post a Comment