Rhesus pieces

 

Are you a tree-dwelling primate tired of subsisting on roots, bark, and half-eaten fruit disposed of by your human cousins? Are you sick of depending on other monkeys to share the “good stuff” over an arboreal dinner? Could any of your razor-sharp canine teeth be classified as “sweet”? 

 

Good news. Reese’s introducing a revolutionary, or should we say, evolutionary product: The first and only candy made explicitly for monkeys is here. Created in a top-secret lab deep in an undisclosed jungle, there isn’t a mammal on two legs who can resist this sugary confection. However, to truly appreciated it, your arms should hang lower than your ankles. Because you don’t have to be a Great Ape to enjoy Great Eats.  

 

Relying on dozens of feral focus groups, we discovered than many monkeys were tired of the same old diet. They wanted something after dinner. At first, we spoke with some Amaro companies for a bespoke digestif made just for them, but they ended up just smashing the bottle against a rocky outcrop.  

 

Better than any bonbons for Bonobos or Gorilla gorp, this snack is different, because it wasn’t made as a joke or a one-off. Of course, our next order of business is modern dentistry, but that shall come with time. 

 

So grab a handful, or better yet, a footful of Rhesus Pieces and start chewing. Prehensile extremities can make the check-out process that much more seamless. The sort of multi-tasking humans can only dream of.