Head of Steam

Jobs change over time. It’s practically inevitable. Yesterday’s chefs had to understand the succulence of pheasant. Nowadays, few of them could identify the bird on sight. Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to a thick church door. Today, he’d tweet about it, fearful of clerical reprisals, then retweet himself tweeting about it, only to finally share over Instagram. It happens, I guess.

In 2022, the job of a professional headhunter has never been more difficult. It’s a profession based on fielding stacks of resumes and consoling teary-eyed candidates, sobbing at the slightest misadventure. You want to help them, you really do, but ultimately, their decision to attend the interview shirtless is up to them. Though it all reflects on you regardless. Their poor grammar, their use of profanity – everything. 

Headhunting is the example I point to when people say everything is better today than it was in ancient times. Take a look around. Peruse LinkedIn for any amount of time and you’ll see countless headhunters at their wit’s end, cursing the communication onslaught, valiantly fending off burnout only to succumb to an inevitable, public breakdown. These are no longer the pillars of mental toughness. 

They make money, that’s true. But at what cost to their souls? They can’t hide from prospects either. There is no door to close. It’s always open, whatever it is. 

Ancient headhunters had a much easier time. All they had to do was collect severed heads and the task was finished. There was no worry about compensation. If you had the stomach for the gig, that was good enough. The most common problem for these people, which should be viewed as a mild inconvenience and nothing more, was finding a mantle big enough for the heads. The whole point of headhunting was creating a vibrant display. It does no one any good to keep them in your attic beside dusty Christmas ornaments and old photo albums. 

The head was their prize. They didn’t expect a bouquet of flowers or a case of champagne. No thank you note was forthcoming and that was okay. I know what you’re going to say. But those were heinous acts that had nothing to do with job placement. Fair enough. But you’re forgetting one thing. The job market in the afterlife. Something that’s only grown over the years.