New Year’s Desolutions

We asked morons, managers, and middling marketing-types to cue us in on the wild working world as we pile up the e-papers and e-prepare for another year of e-business. Some are qualified to expound on this subject, while most are not. So we asked anyone we could find, ignoring their “title” or “resume.” What we got is quite interesting.

Teri Devolve, Marketing Airhead

“Too many board rooms are full of smart people. It’s time we opened the doors to imbeciles and dum-dums.” 

Pesky Dogooder, Head of Jargon

“While I’m elated to see certain things set forth in motion by various members of the c-suite, it’s disheartening to realize that what’s happening is neither sustainable nor mission-driven, meaning, the time is now for us to all come together and hold leaders accountable for what they don’t do as well as what they do do.” 

Diane Ferentz, Pardner

“The opportunity to be a difference-maker can make a difference in the lives of others. And to always remember to leave comments in fun colors. Even the cruelest remark, when written in pink or yellow will put a smile on an underling's face."  

Connie Fusion, Chief Chief Officer

“We can tell people what to think. We can tell them what to say. We can tell them how to say it. Like, I was living in France for six months before something told me that the s in “Paris” was silent. Ah, like Perry Como. I caught on quickly, as you can imagine, but I couldn’t have done it without generous boulangerie boys and others wandering around the town square at noontime.” 

Liza Rationale, None

“You hear a lot about karma, but dogma is just as important. I want to see more of the latter and less of the former. Hit someone’s fender while parking? Forget it.” 

Ben Thair, Brand breeder

“What can I say that hasn’t already been said by my esteemed colleagues and rivals? I will say only this: say you’re standing in front of a window in a 20 story building. Don’t press against the glass and assume it's locked. As a student of stained glass, fenestration is awfully important to me. Be careful up there, people.”

Dave, Some Guy

"What was the question again?"

Norm Chomsky, Status Quoter

“I wouldn’t change a thing.”