Morning at the Bemuseum

Anyone who’s ever studied Greek mythology in school or, during a class trip, fogged up the glass encasing a piece of ancient pottery, toothlessly grinning at the depictions therein, should be more than familiar with the concept of muses. The muses were a gaggle of gals, who served as inspiration for the struggling artist. Can’t tune your lyre? Give Euterpe a holler. Joke isn’t landing? Call Thalia for a second opinion. There are others, focused on history, epic poetry and astronomy – and this was long before decent telescopes were available.

What most people don’t know, even apparent experts, is that there was a lone, marginalized member of the musing community. Surprisingly, she’s the one who’s endured to this very day. Her name? Ladida. She has helped stupid people sound smart for thousands of years. For one thing, she’s not technically a Muse, but a Bemuse. Her concern is not inspiration, but indoctrination. 

She’s responsible for all the smiles associated with the word “bemused.” Somehow, along the way, her hard work paid off and “amuse” and “bemuse” became synonyms. Instead of people being confused at the sight of her, they came to smile, seeing it as a wonderful part of the creative process. 

Bemuse’s transformation is truly baffling, at times puzzling, even perplexing, yet, at the end of the day, it’s quite an entertaining turn of events, considering it was the handiwork of a diligent Bemuse. Amuse and bemuse have become synonyms, thanks to Ladida’s relentlessness, pausing to work in between courses of grape leaves and sticky baklava. 

They became synonyms. No one really knows how this happened. Auger, the imposing tool used to bore holes into the earth or pieces of wood, is not to my knowledge a synonym for booger, what dangles from a neglected nostril. 

Ladida knew what she was doing and that it was going to be an uphill battle. It is only the most impressive of her exploits. She’s had other minor successes. Honing pigeons, for one thing. People who don’t jive with one another, for another. She knows exactly what she’s doing and her goal, if I can safely state here, is to make it so that one day every word is a synonym, rendering language useless. 

Kind of bemusing when you think about it.