Fax the Rich

I’m not the gala type – and that includes apples, as I favor the supple creases of a Newtown Pippen over anything else. Though I wear breathtakingly stylish clothes that will no doubt one day end up behind the sturdy plexi of a museum installation, for now, they remain unfolded and carefully clumped at the foot of my bed.

I don’t get out much. I don’t attend soirees or grand openings, premieres or previews. I react to the world from the same place as my wild denim overcoat. The foot of my bed. It’s quiet and cool down there, surrounded by dust mites and resting breadcrumbs. I don’t sign autographs or duck after the dangerous popping of flash bulbs. I watch from afar.

All this has me thinking about the rich. Pondering over their wads of bitcoin, wondering what are we going to do with them? We could call them or leave bad reviews on Yelp. Why? I’m not quite sure. But that will an impression more short-lived than the sandy scribbles of a low tide diatribe. My solution is simple: fax the rich. 

First of all, it’s the last thing they’re expecting us to do. They might anticipate a tweet, a call, a direct message. But a fax? In 2021? I don’t think so. Yet faxes still exist, propping up many a business and reminding young people what that awful dial-up sound feels like when you call the number by accident. Faxing the rich is a way to get our point across. They won’t forget you, like the army of replying fools they counted with on Twitter and Instagram. Faxing is different. It stings a little more. Plus, it requires ink and paper, two things that despite their wealth, they might not always have in surplus. 

Rich people are just like you and me, only with a lot more money. That doesn’t mean you can’t get to them with a simple set of numbers. Their assistant might spend an entire week trying to figure out how to get their fax machine to work. But once that happens, there’s no stopping you. Now you have to decide what you’re going to write.