Thursday, September 30, 2021

Schtick Razors


Regular razors are no fun. They’re one trick ponies, only good for shaving your face, your legs, or your you-get-the-idea. Sadly, the blades, like a relative inching towards their wit's end, become blunter over time. So the moment you get attached to one, there it goes, straight into the nearest receptacle.

Not Schtick Razors. At Schtick, the blades get sharper with each passing slice. They trim you, yes, but they also cut you - severely. So you have to be careful. But once they’re done with you, they’re just getting started contributing to the planet. 


Schtick Razors are perfect for the hellaciously hirsute, but also tailor-made to snip strewn bits of Concertina wire sticking out from a split rail fence on a two-hundred acre working cattle ranch.  


The primary pickle most Schtick users face is their face. After dozens of tiny cuts, bloody blemishes, and patches from missed spots, most become overwhelmed with despair and a sense of authentic ugliness. That’s to be expected. You’re not alone. 


Because one of the reasons our blades last so long is that people stop using them to shave after the first week. Once you see the mangled mess you’ve become, Schtick turns into a helpful tool for construction workers, gardeners and any familiar with the basics of self-defense. 


We didn’t try to make the safest blade. Nor did we seek to make the smartest. What we did was create a blade so sharp that most local law enforcement agencies rebuffed our generous blade donations.


How can this be? Most people don’t realize that scientifically, human skin is closer to diamonds than other types of skin. This is true. And like diamonds, the best way to cut human skin is with more human skin (abbreviated in our communication materials as HS). We’re a vehemently anti-fur company because we have skin in the game. Yours. 


Call it a cheap schtick if you must. But it works and it’s making us lots of money. When you see that price tag, you'll know there’s nothing cheap about it. Ask yourself this: when’s the last time you used a Gillette razor to clear brush? 


Make it Schtick.

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