Any Questions?

 

That concludes the lecture portion of tonight’s program. Without further adieu and against our better judgment, we’re opening the floor to questions. Please try to keep it brief. Yes, you down in front with the ugly hat and what appears to be a sixty-four ounce soft drink.  

I have a two-part question in the form of a statement. So I’ve actually spent a great deal of time in the Middle East, visiting, vacationing, requisitioning, and I can tell you that there is a fundamental 

difference between desert sand and beach sand. Politicians and military personnel tend to focus on other parts of the debate. It’s confounding to me. That doesn’t mean you can’t picnic in either place.

Naturally. Okay, thanks for that. You over there in the wide brimmed baseball hat with long expletive written out in all capital letters. 

First of all, I just want to say thank you for tonight’s program. It has been rather illuminating in ways I didn’t anticipate. If there was one thing I would recommend is the addition of cushions. These plastic chairs are okay for a church function, but not a lecture series. Glad you like the hat, too. I had a feeling you’d get a kick out of it. I know, I know, you’re not supposed to wear hats indoors unless you’re deeply religious, but I felt tonight was an exception the Big Guy would understand. 

Thanks for the compliments as well as the feedback. Anyone else? You, holding the pet…? I'm not quite sure.

Marmot. It's a marmot. His name is Jacob but you can call him Marmie or Bon Mot. Before you question why he’s here, this isn’t your average marmot. He’s more well-read than most of the philistines in this room. Big audiobook guy. 

Right. Thank you. Ma’am, yes, you wildly waving the golf club above the heads of your neighbors. Fore? 

I’m not Scottish and this isn’t a golf club. It’s a traditional Irish shillelagh that I bought at great personal expense during my last trip to the Emerald Isle. It in the personal possession of Brendan Behan’s at the time of his death. I bought it along with his unfinished final book, “Barstool Boy.” Tonight was billed as a “Great Debate.” It seemed more like two men drinking tall glasses of water while making quips about serious matters of the day. I don’t think I noticed a single point of disagreement all night.

How about you with cleaning your monocle?

I consider myself an intellectual. I attended an ivy league university and own several tweed jackets. I smoked a pipe once or twice, too. 

Okay, it was more of an interview, but I can see how you might have thought otherwise. We have time for one more question. Sir, how about you? Yes, you pointing at me in a menacing manner. 

Will be there snacks at the book signing afterwards? This talk was during my normal dinnertime. I expected food and drink. I hope it’s not something you have to pay for. I am really hungry.