When the plastic straw bans came, I said nothing. There weren’t any riots or raging infernos. There were no protests or marches. There were no rhythmic chants like, “Hey, ho, these biodegradable straws have got to go.” No one overturned cars or toppled dumpsters. There was none of that. Most switched quickly and quietly, surrendering their beloved utensils without a peep.
But some enterprising citizens faced this oppression courageously. At Yankee Stadium a few weeks ago, the whole world saw the results in a frank display of individual industriousness. There, a lone gentleman drank his beer through a hot dog. This was something even greater than the simple slurping of excess sauce collecting in one’s pasta bowl with a strand of leftover bucatini.
The hot dog straw is the latest example of good old-fashioned American ingenuity. Part of me wishes to see more bans on things in the hopes it spurs innovation. The old saw about the perils of prohibition may not be as true as we once thought. You hear people talk about the days of bathtub gin as if that was such a bad thing. Remember when bathtubs were just used for bathing? I'm sure glad I don’t.
Who needs a smarter smartphone when there’s so much territory to explore in the field of tubed meat? Why build a better rocket when the case for sausage casing is this strong? The answer is that we’re only beginning to scratch the surface of what hot dogs can do.
Given the disturbing state of infrastructure in this country, perhaps it’s time we thought long and hard about replacing some of our decaying tunnels with several elongated concoctions from Nathan’s Famous. Finally, a construction project that’s 100% kosher.
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