Queen for twenty-five thousand, seven hundred eighty-two Days

 

Would you want to be Queen for twenty-five thousand, seven hundred eighty-two days? Think carefully about this, because it’s not like the old days when things were quite different for those in charge. Sitting on the throne back then meant that when you wanted heads to roll, heads rolled. Vacation spots weren’t selected by travel agents, but by standing armies waiting at your beck and call. There was no “de” in front of colonization either. And the feudal system wasn’t a futile system yet. There aren’t many armadas left to vanquish in 2022. But you can still waterski in many parts of the commonwealth. 

Still want to do it? There’s a lot of responsibility when it comes to being a figurehead. Crowns carry a lot of weight. Plus, they’re heavy. The clothes a monarch wears are quite loud, in the technicolor dream coat sense. If you become Queen, no more fanny packs and cargo shorts. Sorry, I didn’t make the rules. Not sure who did though.

It’s a job of sorts, but you don’t really get any days off. There’s not a traditional 401k or IRA, though the latter acronym might be worth considering in a completely different context. But there are jewels. 

Queens can’t go to brunch with their girlfriends in the East Village. Not without a police escort and a few days notice to clear the area. While you can’t horse around too much, horseplay of a different color is perfectly acceptable. One other thing. You can't really be political, which in this day and age, is like telling someone they can't do yoga or watch Netflix.

Honestly, you probably don’t even want to be Queen for one day. Too bad it’s not always up to you. It's up to your Nazi-sympathizing ne'er-do-well of an Uncle. Good thing some people are destined to make the most of their lot in life.